Content, but Never Stagnant

It has been almost a year since I posted on here. Looking back on my last post, I remember being abroad, being homesick, and reflecting on my experiences through my writing.

While summer of 2015 was truly a learning experience, I never imagined what my senior year at Ohio University had in store for me. I will say it has been one of the most challenging years of my life . . . in good and not-so-good ways.

I am going to be 100% honest in this post, even though it is a challenge to divulge all that contributed to my year. I am also going to share both the good and the bad because such is life.

1. I secured life-long friendships with several people who have been in my life for years . . .

I know that sounds relatively simple, but there are people who have been right in front of me for YEARS that I now consider dear friends. I don't know exactly how this happened, but I will give myself a little credit and say that I exerted significant effort to uphold and strengthen friendships this year, or at least I tried to. Prior to this year, I had forgotten how important friends really are and how they help mold you in more ways than you know. Through lunches, workouts, and random hangouts, I was able to become a better version of myself through my experiences and relationships. I am so thankful for my friends and this year would have been that much harder without them.

2. I lost a friend . . .

In December while overseas, my peers and I received sudden news that a friend of ours was killed in a car accident. She was the second friend I lost in 2015. It couldn't have been more shocking and disheartening. The news hit me like a ton of bricks . . . many times you don't realize how influential someone was in your life until they're gone. However, through a candlelight memorial in Ecuador and a beautiful memorial back in the States in January, we were able to celebrate her enchanting spirit. Kyra, I miss you, your smile, your bagel-making skills, your photography, and your attitude about life. You are missed and loved by so many.

3. I traveled to three more countries, bringing my country count to seven and my continent count to 5 . . .

In December, I traveled to Ecuador and Israel, and over spring break I traveled to England. I have officially been to five of the seven continents, which leaves Australia and Antarctica. Honestly, I have no plans to visit either in the near future, but we'll see what happens.

4. I developed and somewhat defeated/overcame travel anxiety . . .

This may shock some as I have developed quite a reputation over the last year for being a "traveler." However, at the end of last summer I developed serious anxiety while returning to the U.S. I believe this stemmed from a feeling of isolation while being abroad and quite a significant amount of loneliness/homesickness that molded into depression--something I have never dealt with before. Prior to leaving for Ecuador, I felt this overwhelming dread come over me, which is not usually your first thought when preparing to go overseas. All the feelings of isolation crept back in on me and I struggled as I traveled alone to South America. Upon my return, I had four days in the U.S. and then I left for Israel. My anxiety was increasingly better as I reminded myself I would only be gone for 10 days. Upon my return, my airport anxiety was nearly non-existent and I am proud to say that during my London travel, I did not experience any airport-induced anxiety. I will also say that this was done with great strength and mindfulness of my own anxiety management skills. I ate proper meals, drank lots of water, took deep breaths, and gave myself constant, positive reminders. It wasn't easy by any means.

5. I suffered through pretty severe depression . . .

As in the previous paragraph, this may also be shocking to some of you. I almost always approach life with a positive attitude and a smile on my face, but yet again, I have to be honest with myself. The reality is that I am human too. I have bad days, I feel sad, and I tend to smile through it because I would rather hold it in than inflict any problems or woe on someone else. Everyone has enough to deal with on their own without adding my worries to the mix. However, in February, I hit my breaking point. I just couldn't take it any more and I had no idea how to dig myself out of the figurative deep dark hole I was in. Admittedly, I am a deeply emotional person, but I have never felt so low before. With the help of supportive friends, a counselor, and understanding coworkers, I was able to begin my journey towards better self-care. I usually like to stay busy, but I realized in just two weeks how important "me-time" would be in order to feel better. I cut back on everything that I could, with hopes of denying any medication offered to me (my own prerogative of disliking medication unless absolutely necessary). I started getting better sleep, completing assignments in advance, and having fun with friends, even when I knew I had things to do because friends and relaxation would ultimately keep me afloat, medication-free!

6. I bought a puppy . . .

Another moment that significantly increased my life experiences occurred when I bought a German Shepherd puppy now known as Louie. I'll be the first to admit that getting a puppy is not for everyone, and it is not the solution to depression for everyone either, but for me, it was a start. I will be honest in saying that Louie has added stress into my life because people aren't kidding when they say dogs are expensive and needy . . . not to mention, he is going to be of monstrous proportions by the end of the year (over 100 lbs). In the end, I love him. Every stress is overridden by having his excitement-filled nuzzles course through me when I get home or the goofy way he looks at me after we go for a run or cuddling in the mornings. Louie forces me to take breaks from whatever I am dealing with during the day because he needs walks and attention and love. He is also there when no one else is, and he provides me with a feeling of security and stability. It's not the solution for everyone, but it was definitely a part of the process for me.

7. I received a couple of awards and some end of the year validation . . .

Some people don't need awards or words of kindness as validation, but I sure do. Maybe this is a bad thing, but this is who I am. I try my hardest to provide validation for others, especially when they need it most, and I received an award that truly validated my entire college experience. In April, as I was nearing graduation, I received one of 7 Outstanding Senior Leader Awards handed out at the Annual Leadership Gala. Out of thousands of seniors, I was recognized for my leadership on campus and it just seemed to make the almost ridiculous amount of involvement that I participated in worth it. I say "almost ridiculous" because I was able to make it work for the majority of my time at OU without feeling like a maniac. The moment I accepted my award from Lady McDavis and hugged President McDavis was hands-down one of the best moments of my college career. I will never forget it. Finally, at the end of the year I received cards from various people expressing feelings of excitement, admiration, and continued validation that showed my impact on the community around me. Even when I felt selfish this year (because of the increased "me-time" mentioned above), I finally realized the legacy you can leave, just by showing others you care.

I've come to realize that life has its ups and downs . . . and those ups and downs come in various shapes and sizes. As I enter the so-called "real world," I realize how important it is to be present in each and every experience, and content with what you have and who you are. At 22, I am determined to be content in my knowledge, perspective, and introspection, but never stagnant. 

For the month of May, I am finally taking some time to relax, after two years of traveling like crazy and four years of the craziness that is college. However, I will never be stagnant. By taking time to relax, I mean I am taking an online class, doing some summer reading, training for a half-marathon, attending and participating in two weddings, and my position as a Tutor/Mentor with Upward Bound is quickly approaching. While you may not see it, I have cut back . . . but what can you expect from me?! I'm still the same forward-thinking, type-A Camille that I've always been, only with a revised outlook on self-care.

Feel free to comment below, share your own stories, reach out to me personally, or whatever floats your boat!

What Summer 2015 Has Already Taught Me About Travel And Life

         The summer of 2015 has been an interesting one, to say the least, and it's not even over yet. I received the opportunity to travel to 3 countries, 6 cities, more than 10 hotels/hostels/homestays, and by the end of this, I'll have flown on 14 planes. I have three more weeks on this adventure, and I have to say, I've learned so much about myself and the world this summer. I've seen countless temples in Asia, been scammed by a bird lady in Bangkok (that's a story for another time), watched the sunrise over Angkor Wat in Cambodia, spent a weekend on safari in Ngorongoro Crater in Tanzania, not to mention I've eaten crickets, bamboo worms, ant larvae, goat meat, and chips mayai (an omelet with french fries in it). However, not everything has been so happy-go-lucky, and I've definitely encountered situations and emotions that I never thought I would stumble upon. I've realized how different traveling around a country and actually immersing yourself in a culture can be, and I've been able to reflect on past experiences as well as create hopes for future travels to come. Going from the U.S. to Asia to Africa has been quite the leap, and there are five very important things I've learned along the way. 

1. It's ok to feel homesick, even if you have never been, never thought you would be, and no one would perceive you as someone who'd be overcome by such a thing. (Oh the horror!)

It was my second week in Tanzania. I'd already been out of the United States for six weeks (nearly twice as long as my one and only prior international experience in South Africa). I had always loved to travel and after my experience in Africa last summer, I was beyond excited to return, but even more excited to be able to experience a new country and culture. I was staying with a host family, studying Swahili five days a week, and I was just settling into a routine. Then homesickness hit me like a brick wall. I talked to my parents, boyfriend, and friends every day, and was increasingly upset. I didn't understand what was wrong with me, as I had never truly felt homesick before. I had also never felt homesickness in a position of almost being stuck . . . as it's not easy or cheap to just hop on a plane home at the first feeling of discomfort.

I had to recognize what was making me homesick and if there were things that I could do to not necessarily get rid of it, but something to calm the storm. I also had to accept that it's ok to feel homesick, and I had every reason to feel that way. I'd been away from my family and country for six weeks and I had six more weeks to go. The food was different, the culture was new, and I'd been surrounded by people 24/7 with no time to reflect. 

I found a few things to help me through. As a foodie, I searched good restaurants around Arusha. I went to the nearest bookstore and bought myself the third Game of Thrones book to read, reached out to my friends and family for support, and also found the support of a friend in my program. Many of these things were simple fixes, but the hard part was understanding and accepting that I was allowed to have bad days where I just wanted to hop on a plane. That's normal, and the best feeling is that I stuck it out, stayed within the guidelines of my fellowship, and made some great memories. 

2. It's ok to identify if certain people, experiences, or places make you feel unsafe. And then work on how to avoid those situations.

  I had never felt unsafe while traveling, until this trip. I had been scammed countless times for being white and western. I had been hit on for the same reasons, on top of the fact that I'm blonde and I'm a young woman. I had gotten lost and asked for directions at night. I had ridden a local bus (called a dala dala) jammed with people to the point of it being a safety risk and I had ridden countless tuk tuks, which are also not the safest little vehicles. However these experiences have taught me to be aware and to trust my gut in any and all situations. I have also learned how to avoid situations like that. If I have even a hint of uneasiness about doing something, like riding a motorbike in Cambodia or a bodaboda/pikipiki in Tanzania (something I chose not to do on this trip), that's my prerogative. If I miss out on an opportunity, at least that is my decision and I am better safe than sorry. 

3. It's ok not to fall in love with every place you travel to, even if you thought you would.

This was difficult to come to terms with, as I'd like to think I'm a lover of all things global. And in some respects, I am, but I'm also a human being. I pick favorites and have certain preferences while I travel. I've realized that this can also be applied to countries, and because of that, I'm not going to feel the same about every country I visit. I will continue to fall in love with certain countries, while others will grow on me . . . and some just won't. The best I can do is to give every country I visit a chance, and even if I don't plan to go back, I can at least identify my reasonings for why. 

Which leads me to the next one . . .

4. It's ok if a country doesn't meet the prior expectations you had because every experience is a learning one.

I will openly admit that I didn't give all three countries this summer an equal chance. I certainly had higher expectations for one over the other and because of that, I was both surprised and disappointed throughout my trip. Having the expectations that you will love a country can highly affect your experience and how you perceive your experiences. The same can be said for the opposite. I cannot stress that enough, and I now realize that I will approach all future trips with a distinct level of knowledge and expectations, and leave the rest up to the actual experience I have.

5. Lastly, it's ok if an experience you have changes your life goals, hopes, dreams, and whatever else can be changed. That's what experiences are for. 

       I've always been the kind of person that plans their entire life out. At any time, I can explain my 5-year plan, my 10-year plan, and my life goals, but this one trip has changed a good bit of those prior plans. In 12 weeks, my life plans have been significantly altered and that's been both exhilarating and extremely stressful, but I've realized that I'm never going to be able to fully plan and predict everything that could and will happen in my future. As a control freak (I'm working on that part of myself), that is practically incomprehensible. There will be surprises, unexpected delays, and my passions will continue to shift, develop, and solidify as time goes on. Until then, I need to spend my time focusing on the near future and the things I can actual plan for like applying to grad schools and other possible opportunities. 

And above all, I need to take what I've learned on this trip and apply it to my future experiences, as I believe this kind of reflection will truly help me grow as a person, a student, a daughter, a girlfriend, an RA, and any other role I may fill throughout this crazy thing called life. 

Photo time at the Gaylord Palms

I've spent the past week in Orlando, Florida with my friend Brittany, as part of my final summer trip. We both attended the National Society of Collegiate Scholars conference, appropriately titled Scholarcon. It was a great conference with many impressive speakers, ending with John Legend as the keynote speaker. Of course, Legend couldn't leave without performing a few songs for us, and I have a fantastic video of part of his performance that I will upload for you in my next post. For now, take a look at the photo shoot I did with Brittany while at the Gaylord Palms Resort. If you've never been to the Gaylord Palms, I highly recommend it. It's like a small city inside with shops, several restaurants (including one on a boat), a full-fledged convention center, and a lot of wildlife to look at . . . hence it made a near perfect backdrop for our photo shoot.

Fellows Riverside Gardens Photo Shoot

What do you do when you have a camera, a beautiful friend, 

and the Fellows Riverside Gardens at your disposal? You do a photo shoot, of course! 

Mystina, my friend of almost 8 years, and I decided to brave the overcast weather today and head on over to the gardens. Here's what came of our fun! 

One of my favorites of the day!

The flag still looks great, even in cloudy weather

Probably my favorite of the day!!!

My African Adventure Part 2: Cheetahs become my new favorite animals...besides elephants, of course

Let us get right into the post, because I'll be honest... there's a LOT to cover. 

So first things first, this hunk of a cheetah's name is Zulu. He's a full-grown ambassador cheetah at Shingwedzi, and obviously, I'm a little partial to him. Most of the volunteers decided early on who their favorite ambassador cheetahs were, and Zulu is without a doubt, my favorite little (or should I say big) man.

On day 3 at Shingwedzi, we went on a morning safari tour/adventure. 

We were able to watch the Wild African Dogs in action, as Peter, one of the Shingwedzi staff members, gave them their morning meal.

 We also got the chance to see a couple of the wild cheetahs in action. To clarify something, there are both wild and humanized cheetahs at Shingwedzi. The wild cheetahs are there for various reasons . . . some are used for breeding, some are older or previously injured and they can't be re-released, and others were born at Shingwedzi and so they'll be kept there. The humanized cheetahs are what I'm referring to as ambassador cheetahs, and their jobs vary from being runners (which I'll explain later) to being Shingwedzi representatives for tours and schools, and above all, they're used to educate people on cheetahs and cheetah centers.

A Zazu bird!!!

Standing in one of the vulture enclosures that we fixed while at Shingwedzi!

A pack of wildebeest on our morning walk to breakfast

Thor, another ambassador cheetah, sitting on his mound.

Then came the cub encounters!!! 

The first encounter my group had was with the three 9-month old cubs: Jordan, Pickles, and Simba. We basically got to spend the morning just hanging out with them, and it was surreal.

Needless to say, this counts as one of the best moments in my 20 years of existence.

With Jordan the cheetah!!! He's the teddy bear of the bunch.

Nancy and I with the cheetahs in the left corner of the picture.

Jordan

Simba

The cheetahs love their mounds!!

Speaking of cheetah mounds, that was one of the first tasks we completed as volunteers. 
We built a brand-spanking-new cheetah mound for Forest, the ambassador-in-training. 

Our mound!

Now, back to the cubs!

Sleepy Pickles...

That one time I charmed the nonexistent pants off of Simba the cheetah cub. Simba tends to be a bit sassy, so I was honored that she accepted, and even more, seemed to enjoy my presence.

Lastly, here are a few short videos of the cubs for you to enjoy.

Cheetah rough-housing

Sleeping cheetahs

Cheetah Purrs

Next post: feeding rounds, runner cheetahs...................

AND BABY CUBBIES!!!! Be prepared! :)

If you have any questions or comments, feel free to share them below!

A Day at the Lake

On Saturday, my family, including my dogs, and I spent the day at Pymatuning Lake. I managed to get some photos of the day and I figured I'd share a quick post with all of you. Feel free to peruse and leave comments below, if you'd like.

Sittin on the dock of the bay...

Gizmo taking a quick swim in the lake.

Pico after his lake swim.

My step-dad Don with Gizmo on the dock.

Pico is practically a water-dog.