While summer of 2015 was truly a learning experience, I never imagined what my senior year at Ohio University had in store for me. I will say it has been one of the most challenging years of my life . . . in good and not-so-good ways.
I am going to be 100% honest in this post, even though it is a challenge to divulge all that contributed to my year. I am also going to share both the good and the bad because such is life.
1. I secured life-long friendships with several people who have been in my life for years . . .
I know that sounds relatively simple, but there are people who have been right in front of me for YEARS that I now consider dear friends. I don't know exactly how this happened, but I will give myself a little credit and say that I exerted significant effort to uphold and strengthen friendships this year, or at least I tried to. Prior to this year, I had forgotten how important friends really are and how they help mold you in more ways than you know. Through lunches, workouts, and random hangouts, I was able to become a better version of myself through my experiences and relationships. I am so thankful for my friends and this year would have been that much harder without them.
2. I lost a friend . . .
In December while overseas, my peers and I received sudden news that a friend of ours was killed in a car accident. She was the second friend I lost in 2015. It couldn't have been more shocking and disheartening. The news hit me like a ton of bricks . . . many times you don't realize how influential someone was in your life until they're gone. However, through a candlelight memorial in Ecuador and a beautiful memorial back in the States in January, we were able to celebrate her enchanting spirit. Kyra, I miss you, your smile, your bagel-making skills, your photography, and your attitude about life. You are missed and loved by so many.
3. I traveled to three more countries, bringing my country count to seven and my continent count to 5 . . .
In December, I traveled to Ecuador and Israel, and over spring break I traveled to England. I have officially been to five of the seven continents, which leaves Australia and Antarctica. Honestly, I have no plans to visit either in the near future, but we'll see what happens.
4. I developed and somewhat defeated/overcame travel anxiety . . .
This may shock some as I have developed quite a reputation over the last year for being a "traveler." However, at the end of last summer I developed serious anxiety while returning to the U.S. I believe this stemmed from a feeling of isolation while being abroad and quite a significant amount of loneliness/homesickness that molded into depression--something I have never dealt with before. Prior to leaving for Ecuador, I felt this overwhelming dread come over me, which is not usually your first thought when preparing to go overseas. All the feelings of isolation crept back in on me and I struggled as I traveled alone to South America. Upon my return, I had four days in the U.S. and then I left for Israel. My anxiety was increasingly better as I reminded myself I would only be gone for 10 days. Upon my return, my airport anxiety was nearly non-existent and I am proud to say that during my London travel, I did not experience any airport-induced anxiety. I will also say that this was done with great strength and mindfulness of my own anxiety management skills. I ate proper meals, drank lots of water, took deep breaths, and gave myself constant, positive reminders. It wasn't easy by any means.
5. I suffered through pretty severe depression . . .
As in the previous paragraph, this may also be shocking to some of you. I almost always approach life with a positive attitude and a smile on my face, but yet again, I have to be honest with myself. The reality is that I am human too. I have bad days, I feel sad, and I tend to smile through it because I would rather hold it in than inflict any problems or woe on someone else. Everyone has enough to deal with on their own without adding my worries to the mix. However, in February, I hit my breaking point. I just couldn't take it any more and I had no idea how to dig myself out of the figurative deep dark hole I was in. Admittedly, I am a deeply emotional person, but I have never felt so low before. With the help of supportive friends, a counselor, and understanding coworkers, I was able to begin my journey towards better self-care. I usually like to stay busy, but I realized in just two weeks how important "me-time" would be in order to feel better. I cut back on everything that I could, with hopes of denying any medication offered to me (my own prerogative of disliking medication unless absolutely necessary). I started getting better sleep, completing assignments in advance, and having fun with friends, even when I knew I had things to do because friends and relaxation would ultimately keep me afloat, medication-free!
6. I bought a puppy . . .
Another moment that significantly increased my life experiences occurred when I bought a German Shepherd puppy now known as Louie. I'll be the first to admit that getting a puppy is not for everyone, and it is not the solution to depression for everyone either, but for me, it was a start. I will be honest in saying that Louie has added stress into my life because people aren't kidding when they say dogs are expensive and needy . . . not to mention, he is going to be of monstrous proportions by the end of the year (over 100 lbs). In the end, I love him. Every stress is overridden by having his excitement-filled nuzzles course through me when I get home or the goofy way he looks at me after we go for a run or cuddling in the mornings. Louie forces me to take breaks from whatever I am dealing with during the day because he needs walks and attention and love. He is also there when no one else is, and he provides me with a feeling of security and stability. It's not the solution for everyone, but it was definitely a part of the process for me.
7. I received a couple of awards and some end of the year validation . . .
Some people don't need awards or words of kindness as validation, but I sure do. Maybe this is a bad thing, but this is who I am. I try my hardest to provide validation for others, especially when they need it most, and I received an award that truly validated my entire college experience. In April, as I was nearing graduation, I received one of 7 Outstanding Senior Leader Awards handed out at the Annual Leadership Gala. Out of thousands of seniors, I was recognized for my leadership on campus and it just seemed to make the almost ridiculous amount of involvement that I participated in worth it. I say "almost ridiculous" because I was able to make it work for the majority of my time at OU without feeling like a maniac. The moment I accepted my award from Lady McDavis and hugged President McDavis was hands-down one of the best moments of my college career. I will never forget it. Finally, at the end of the year I received cards from various people expressing feelings of excitement, admiration, and continued validation that showed my impact on the community around me. Even when I felt selfish this year (because of the increased "me-time" mentioned above), I finally realized the legacy you can leave, just by showing others you care.
I've come to realize that life has its ups and downs . . . and those ups and downs come in various shapes and sizes. As I enter the so-called "real world," I realize how important it is to be present in each and every experience, and content with what you have and who you are. At 22, I am determined to be content in my knowledge, perspective, and introspection, but never stagnant.
For the month of May, I am finally taking some time to relax, after two years of traveling like crazy and four years of the craziness that is college. However, I will never be stagnant. By taking time to relax, I mean I am taking an online class, doing some summer reading, training for a half-marathon, attending and participating in two weddings, and my position as a Tutor/Mentor with Upward Bound is quickly approaching. While you may not see it, I have cut back . . . but what can you expect from me?! I'm still the same forward-thinking, type-A Camille that I've always been, only with a revised outlook on self-care.
Feel free to comment below, share your own stories, reach out to me personally, or whatever floats your boat!
